UP Ayen, up !

I am so happy my favorite Irish pal (only one too) replied to my post!! :D :D :D I love you, jumperswithpatterns! I owe you a hug if when we meet IRL.

How am I?

In the past years I’d usually go back here to make myself feel better. I haven’t been able to do so in a long time because I’d been too busy trying not to drown in the shit I kept putting myself into. (That’s a different story I’m working on, more on that in the far future.) Now though, when I have the time to sit still and be idle, I find myself here. And see what I was like over a year ago. How I could lose myself in a place where no one could really reach me. And I realize I can’t go back. And it’s okay. Because this time I am happy. Not all the time, and I can’t say for how long this might last, but I am currently at peace with the world. Right now I can be alone almost any time I want. This helps make me appreciate company when I have it. And hate people less. And love the world a bit more. (Sidenote: HONY has been such a big help just being on my feed, so happy that page exists) So anyway. I don’t know what the point of all this is. I’m just thinking out loud. I am working on my anger and unhappiness. These are things I can (sometimes) control. And choose not to let it overwhelm me. I am learning not to be pissed off by unlucky or bad shit happening around me. We have enough problems without thinking the universe exists to make us feel bad. I don’t know why it exists and why I’m here but I’m glad it does and I’d like to stick around and find out. Does this mean I am over my depression? Hardly. It comes and goes. (Bipolarism? Most likely) I’m trying, though. I think of all the people and dreams I want to live for. It’s cheesy shit and I hate being the corny one but it’s helping me cope so hey, why not? Giving into it might not be a bad idea after all. Keeping away from all the noise and trouble has kept me safe for a few months now. I have hope. And I have work in a few. So I should stop and go shower. Bye!

And…

I’m back!!

… I think

infinitenap:

SORRY
(x)

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thepolarbearblog:

x
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thefrogman:

Wallace refused to tiptoe by Jenna Vee [jpgmag]
[h/t: mostlycatsmostly]

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my dream march 4 2013 monday around 12nn
i remember being with my college friends at college that looked like my old highschool, then we went to papa’s old workplace which looked like my current college. there i was showing papa the changes with all the buildings and all the things that happened since he left. it didn’t occur to me he was dead, just that he came back from somewhere. we saw a friend of his and i kissed her on the cheek. later we all got into a car. the driver was texing while driving so i was saying i was nervous and then he started speeding to get me more afraid. papa said “faster!” and the car went faster. we were listening to the radio. i started writing something to submit to them. they were asking for what a note would say to you from someone who’d just left home. it was supposed to be humorous. papa was watching me type. i knew what we were both thinking: what would papa have written me if he could have left a note? then the radio person asked do you have any siblings and it turned out to be from the tv and so i woke up.